Six Reasons You Keep Going Back After the Relationship Ends

Breaking up is hard…very hard for most people. It is even harder for those who have been in a long

term relationship with someone who has become a fixture in their lives. When things begin to fall apart, one of the most difficult things to do is decide when it’s time to just let go, call it a day. This is because people for the most part, do not give up on their relationship that easily. They will fight to save it. Sometimes it’s worth it but at other times, they end up losing themselves in the process fighting for something that in the end will eventually crash and burn.

When one or both partners decide to walk away, sometimes they end up getting back together a few weeks, months or even years later, only for the relationship to end for good, shortly after. So why do people keep going back into relationships which supposedly have ended?

Here are six reasons to consider:

1.    They miss the companionship- If you’ve been with someone for quite some time, it is quite normal to miss their company when the relationship breaks up. Even if they were a nightmare in some ways, there would have been good times you will miss. When you’ve been with someone you wake up with each day, someone who visits with you pretty often and with whom you’ve had memorable experiences, it’s hard to just let go. Even the men who play tough like it doesn’t matter, are often lying to themselves and others…getting over someone doesn’t happen overnight. 

2.    They fear being being alone- Returning to single life can be a scary experience for someone who is coming out of a long term relationship. Depending on how long they were married to or involved with their partner, some people become very dependent on their partner. They forget how to function as an individual. It becomes tempting therefore to get back with the person you broke up with because it feels alien to go it alone.  This is why they will try to mend the relationship shortly after the breakup. However, getting back together because of the fear of being alone is one of the biggest mistakes people who were in unhealthy relationships make. It’s better to learn how to function by yourself again. Discipline yourself to start doing again on your own, the things you used to depend on your partner to do for or with you. Do not return to an unhealthy relationship because you are lonely.

3.    There is a Soul Tie—For persons who are not religious, you might not even consider this but it is very real. You can establish a soul tie with anyone you’ve slept with. Your soul becomes intertwined with another person through sex and even when you know the person isn’t good for you, you cannot seem to let go of them. Think carefully about how many times you’ve seen persons in relationships that you know and they also know isn’t good for them. They break up only to make up and break up again in an unending toxic cycle.

4.    They miss the sex—If you had a good sex life with someone, it is possible to miss that aspect of the relationship so much that you keep going back despite the weaknesses in the other areas of the relationship. This is particularly so, if you did not leave the relationship to be with someone else or if the new person you ended your relationship for, isn’t satisfying your sexual needs. Persons who are fresh from a broken relationship sometimes find someone else to satisfy their sexual needs, even as they are struggling with the emotional mess that they sometimes become. It becomes easy therefore to call up or try to get back with an ex in order to satisfy the need for sex. A man might find this easier to do than a woman because for most men, sex is a physical act that they can easily participate in without emotional attachment.

5.    They didn’t realize what they had until they lost it—Relationships require work and nurturing to sustain them. In a long term relationship, one has to continually find ways to keep things spicy and exciting. Persons can become complacent and take their partner for granted. This complacency sometimes continues until the other partner walks away. When this happens, it’s normally a moment of rude awakening for the other partner especially when they realize they are unable to find someone who brought to their lives, the value that their ex did.

6.    They need the financial assistance—Yes, a lot of persons are in relationships because of the financial security their partner provides. It is not strange therefore to miss the comfortable lifestyle and all the goodies that came from being with someone who was providing for you financially. It’s up to a man to be smart and not allow a woman who was simply using him to seduce him back into a relationship, in which he is merely there to provide financial assistance. The same goes for women who spend on men.  Be careful that you do not get sucked back into a relationship with a man who just wants your money.

It is normal to miss someone with whom you’ve ended a relationship but weigh carefully the reasons you really want this person back in your life or the reasons they want to come back into your life. If you’re feeling lonely or miss the sex, that’s not reason enough to try to mend a relationship which quite possibly might not even work out after a few more tries.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on Facebook at http://facebook.com/marieberbick or follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com

5 Things She Doesn’t Like But Probably Won’t Tell You

Superman doesn’t exist in real life, a man can perhaps come as close as eighty percent in terms of

having the qualities that will make a woman feel she has won the jackpot but no one person will have all the qualities she’s ideally looking for. That said, a lot of men want to feel like Superman to their woman, but there are also situations where a woman might meet a man she thinks is ideal for her, only to suddenly back away from him without explaining why. Here are five reasons a woman will abruptly go from hot to cold on a man.

1.    Sexual Performance issues ---A couple is normally excited at the onset of the dating game. They want to spend as much time as possible together, getting to know each other and building towards a sexual relationship. For some men, getting the woman into bed is the ultimate aim, they can barely contain their curiousity to find out what it’s like to make love to her. Women also spend time excitedly anticipating that moment especially if she’s really into the man. The high she’s on can come crashing down however, if they finally get intimate and she discovers  that the reality of the experience is very far from what she envisioned. This can either be a matter of medically related sexual performance problems, disappointment with the size of his penis or disappointment with his skills as a lover. If you have a sexual inadequacy problem, be honest with her and tell her before you become intimate. It’s better to give her the opportunity to mentally prepare and be pleasantly surprised that you performed better than expected. If you know you have medically related performance issues, don’t exaggerate sexual skills you do not have, as this will come back to haunt you when the moment of reckoning comes and you are unable to deliver. A woman knows a man takes his ability to perform sexually very seriously, so sharing her dissatisfaction is not something a lot of women are comfortable doing. An outspoken woman might be frank with you but another woman might prefer to slowly pull away and spare you the blow of admitting that your penis size is an issue for her or she’s not happy with the way you perform.

2.    When he’s tight with money—Most women anticipate that their man will assist them financially if necessary. Don’t be fooled by the fact that she doesn’t ask you to help her. She’s probably hoping you will offer so don’t take her not asking as a sign that she’s OK with you not giving. Despite popular perception that there are too many beggy, beggy women, there are also women who are not comfortable asking a man for anything. They will accept if you offer and in some cases they expect you to offer without them having to ask. It’s better to offer your woman a gift and have her refuse it than to withhold assistance because you think she’s OK. Some men are hesitant to approach a woman they like if they are not in a financial position to date her. They probably cannot afford to take her out or buy her gifts but not every woman judges a man by his current situation. Some women observe your intentions and ambition so taking even a fruit to her each time you go to see her, shows her that you mean her well. Men, this is not about women wanting to dig out your pockets, choose wisely the woman you allow into your life and treat her well. When a man fails to take care of his lady’s needs, he leaves the door open for another man to come in and offer to do what he isn’t doing. Don’t allow your woman to be tempted because you are failing to take care of her needs. Depending on her personality, some women will be frank and tell a man that he is mean, but others will simply back away from a man once they discover that he’s not inclined to provide any financial support to her.

3.    Poor hygiene—There are men who take hygiene seriously. They like to look and feel clean. But there are others who simply do not take the time to ensure they are clean, smelling good and attractive for their women. Shaving, brushing teeth regularly, flossing and using deodorant are some of the little things that make a man a pleasure to get intimate with. A woman might like a man but does not like his hygiene practices and telling someone to step up on their hygiene is often one of the most difficult things for a person to do. If the relationship is new, it is highly unlikely that a woman will want to tell a man she isn’t happy with his hygiene. He perhaps has to look for subtle signals like her buying him deodorant, a special toothpaste,etc. But not every woman has the patience to deal with a man who does not practice good hygiene. Once she realizes he’s lacking in that department, she might slowly back away without an explanation. If you meet a woman, take note of how she carries herself, observe how she keeps her surroundings and this will give you subtle hints of how seriously she takes hygiene. You can then improve your own hygiene practices rather than wait for her to either tell you to step it up or pull a disappearing act.

4.    Cowardly behaviour- Most women want a man who makes them feel safe. They want to know he will step up and protect them as necessary and this is not just physical protection but emotionally, she wants a man who shows empathy, cares about her feelings, is mentally strong, solutions oriented and assertive. When a man displays cowardly behavior around a woman, especially one he is just getting to know, this can be a major turn off. If he takes her on a date, he should ensure she feels safe with him. If they come under any kind of attack, his first instinct should be to ensure he protects her from harm, not run away to save himself and leave her in harm’s way. For a woman, her man is her knight in shining armour, she expects him to love and protect her, and to have her best interest at heart. If a woman doesn’t feel that kind of confidence in a man who’s courting her, she might not stick around, unless her interest is dependent on what he can do for her financially.

5.    Secret Sexual orientation- Today, more men are openly gay or bisexual and there are women who knowingly marry gay and bisexual men. However, not every woman is OK with a man who is gay or bisexual. If this type of woman gets the slightest suspicion that the man she is with is secretly gay or bisexual, she might disappear without another word to him. One reason for this is the shame she feels about competing with another man for her man’s affections. It can leave her feeling very demoralized and damage her self esteem.