Six Reasons You Keep Going Back After the Relationship Ends

Breaking up is hard…very hard for most people. It is even harder for those who have been in a long

term relationship with someone who has become a fixture in their lives. When things begin to fall apart, one of the most difficult things to do is decide when it’s time to just let go, call it a day. This is because people for the most part, do not give up on their relationship that easily. They will fight to save it. Sometimes it’s worth it but at other times, they end up losing themselves in the process fighting for something that in the end will eventually crash and burn.

When one or both partners decide to walk away, sometimes they end up getting back together a few weeks, months or even years later, only for the relationship to end for good, shortly after. So why do people keep going back into relationships which supposedly have ended?

Here are six reasons to consider:

1.    They miss the companionship- If you’ve been with someone for quite some time, it is quite normal to miss their company when the relationship breaks up. Even if they were a nightmare in some ways, there would have been good times you will miss. When you’ve been with someone you wake up with each day, someone who visits with you pretty often and with whom you’ve had memorable experiences, it’s hard to just let go. Even the men who play tough like it doesn’t matter, are often lying to themselves and others…getting over someone doesn’t happen overnight. 

2.    They fear being being alone- Returning to single life can be a scary experience for someone who is coming out of a long term relationship. Depending on how long they were married to or involved with their partner, some people become very dependent on their partner. They forget how to function as an individual. It becomes tempting therefore to get back with the person you broke up with because it feels alien to go it alone.  This is why they will try to mend the relationship shortly after the breakup. However, getting back together because of the fear of being alone is one of the biggest mistakes people who were in unhealthy relationships make. It’s better to learn how to function by yourself again. Discipline yourself to start doing again on your own, the things you used to depend on your partner to do for or with you. Do not return to an unhealthy relationship because you are lonely.

3.    There is a Soul Tie—For persons who are not religious, you might not even consider this but it is very real. You can establish a soul tie with anyone you’ve slept with. Your soul becomes intertwined with another person through sex and even when you know the person isn’t good for you, you cannot seem to let go of them. Think carefully about how many times you’ve seen persons in relationships that you know and they also know isn’t good for them. They break up only to make up and break up again in an unending toxic cycle.

4.    They miss the sex—If you had a good sex life with someone, it is possible to miss that aspect of the relationship so much that you keep going back despite the weaknesses in the other areas of the relationship. This is particularly so, if you did not leave the relationship to be with someone else or if the new person you ended your relationship for, isn’t satisfying your sexual needs. Persons who are fresh from a broken relationship sometimes find someone else to satisfy their sexual needs, even as they are struggling with the emotional mess that they sometimes become. It becomes easy therefore to call up or try to get back with an ex in order to satisfy the need for sex. A man might find this easier to do than a woman because for most men, sex is a physical act that they can easily participate in without emotional attachment.

5.    They didn’t realize what they had until they lost it—Relationships require work and nurturing to sustain them. In a long term relationship, one has to continually find ways to keep things spicy and exciting. Persons can become complacent and take their partner for granted. This complacency sometimes continues until the other partner walks away. When this happens, it’s normally a moment of rude awakening for the other partner especially when they realize they are unable to find someone who brought to their lives, the value that their ex did.

6.    They need the financial assistance—Yes, a lot of persons are in relationships because of the financial security their partner provides. It is not strange therefore to miss the comfortable lifestyle and all the goodies that came from being with someone who was providing for you financially. It’s up to a man to be smart and not allow a woman who was simply using him to seduce him back into a relationship, in which he is merely there to provide financial assistance. The same goes for women who spend on men.  Be careful that you do not get sucked back into a relationship with a man who just wants your money.

It is normal to miss someone with whom you’ve ended a relationship but weigh carefully the reasons you really want this person back in your life or the reasons they want to come back into your life. If you’re feeling lonely or miss the sex, that’s not reason enough to try to mend a relationship which quite possibly might not even work out after a few more tries.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on Facebook at http://facebook.com/marieberbick or follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com