Five or ten years ago, anyone who told you
they were on a dating website would probably be regarded as weird because of
the stigma that was attached to online dating. Today, new research is showing
that online dating is now the 2nd most popular way of meeting
someone and the stigma that was attached to the idea of seeking a mate online
is fast disappearing.
In 2005, a Pew Research Centre survey found
that 44% of adults interviewed thought online dating was a good way to meet
someone. By 2015, that figure had increased to 59% while the stigmatized view
that online dating was for desperate persons has faded from 29 to 23% over the
same period.
Jamaicans are also logging on to love, with
more and more singles and even those who are attached, utilizing social media
and dating websites to find a mate. Some are free while others require a fee to
join but more persons are utilizing normal social media sites such as Facebook and
even the professional social media network Linked-In to find someone special.
Log onto some of the more notable free dating
websites such as POF.com and you will be sure to find an abundance of Jamaicans
seeking a mate. However, don’t be surprised if you see your neighbor or even
your mate among them! While online dating is a very convenient way of meeting a
potential mate, there are also pitfalls to this exciting journey. Here are a
few:
1.
Not everybody is looking for a committed
relationship: Look
out for the players, both men and women. Despite what they say about wanting a
relationship, sometimes you can tell from their profile statement that they are
simply looking for a fling, rather than a serious relationship. Listen keenly
to what is not said. If their relationship status says “complicated” that’s a
good enough reason to take your time and ask some probing questions whilst
first contact is established.
2.
The person you meet online might be a very
different person when you actually meet. Personality is important in determining if
two people are good for each other. Online dating allows a lot of people to
hide behind a keyboard, create a fake persona and convince another person that
they are someone they are not. Some are shy people who come alive once you are
not physically seeing them. Try to meet the person as early as possible, so
that you can sum them up properly in different situations less you end up
wasting your time talking to a recluse for months and end up being disappointed
when you actually meet.
3.
Beware of fake and outdated photos—One of the biggest disappointments for some
persons who try online dating occurs when the handsome man or beautiful woman
they believe they had been talking to turns out to be anything but. Some persons
out rightly deceive with fake photos or utilize photos of themselves from their
‘glory’ days which may have long passed. This is why a lot of persons now prefer to
video talk when they have met someone online as they want to see who they are
talking to.
4.
Married people and people with live-in
partners are on dating websites posing as singles-Married and committed people, some of whom
are bored, sad or just bad, are on dating websites too. Their status might say
single when they are very much married or living with their spouse. Guard your
heart when trying online dating. Avoid becoming too emotionally attached to
someone you’ve only talked with online and are yet to meet in person. Sometimes
these people are simply going through a lull in their relationships or marriages
and want to be re-assured that they still ‘have it’ so online dating is a
perfect way to get validation without their spouse ever finding out about their
infidelity.
5.
Find out as much as you can as early as
possible-- When you meet
someone on a dating website, try to find out as much as you can about them off
that site. Google them, ask to be friends on Facebook so that you can see who
their ‘friends’ are. Do not limit your communication to the dating website
only, get their mobile number and other contact information and purposefully
initiate communication at different times of the day to see whether they have a
pattern that suggests they could be married or living with someone. Don’t feel
guilty about checking out people you’ve met online because it is quite likely
that they are also running background checks on you. There are locally based
private investigators whose services have been requested by persons overseas to
run checks on persons in Jamaican whom they have met online. Doing the early
detective work can save you from a major heartbreak later.
6.
Long distance relationships require commitment
and lots of work—Some
persons who live far apart have met online, had successful courtships despite
the distance and ended up getting married. However, not everyone will be this
lucky. Long distance relationships are not for everyone. They require a lot of
work, a clear understanding of both parties’ plans in terms of relocation and a
strong commitment to remaining focused on each other until they can permanently
be with each other.
Marie
Berbick is a motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters
United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Follow her
on twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com
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