How to Remain Standing after a Messy Break up

Everyone will at some point experience anger at another person but the breakup of a relationship is one of the biggest tests of how well we can control negative emotions, especially feelings of anger and rejection. When people are angry, when they feel they have been wronged and are struggling with rejection, be prepared for anything.

If you’ve been through a breakup, depending on the kind of person your ex is, you may have experienced the wrath of your one time love, including attempts at character assassination. When a person has nothing good to say about their ex, question their motive. They must have seen something good in that person at some point throughout the relationship.

Whilst an angry ex can do damage to your reputation, if you remain true to yourself and do not try to match them for each low blow, you will come out standing. There are several reasons why an angry ex will launch an attack on you:

1.    They want to demonize and reduce you in the eyes of persons who thought highly of you--- Your ex is angry, feeling rejected and perhaps determined to make you a pariah. Whatever they can do to achieve that objective, they will so don’t be surprised when persons you’ve never discussed your personal affairs with, approach you with unpleasant rumours they have heard and are seeking clarification about your personal life.

2.    They want to cut off your support system—An angry ex feels wronged. They want everybody on their side so the objective is to get as many of your friends as possible to buy into the negative story and turn against you.

3.    They want to control you—although they can’t physically control you, an angry ex can still use psychology and manipulation to control your life. For instance, spreading rumours that you are a bad person can force you to begin walking on egg shells even though you know you are not that ‘bad’ person whom they seek to portray you as. By so doing, you hand over your power to them and they are able to control how you live your life.

You might want to consider the following approach to handling a messy break up:

1.    No matter what your ex says about you, don’t let him/her control your reaction. If you are a good and decent person who does not curse out people, don’t allow anyone to cause you to behave in a manner that will make you feel bad about yourself afterwards. Your ex’s objective is to draw you out. Your objective should be to maintain your standards in the face of the onslaught. Never allow someone to cause you to behave out of character.

2.    Insulting emails and texts? Have a good friend filter the emails and texts from your ex. If you are the type who is easy to get angry when people accuse you wrongfully, get a close trusted friend to filter the communication between yourself and your ex. They can read and tell you what’s worth discarding immediately versus what you need to respond to. If there is no compelling reason to read the emails or texts, such as matters to do with children you might share, do not even bother to read them. If it’s a really bad situation that is affecting your peace of mind, you might want to consider taking it a step further and blocking the person’s emails, phone calls and blocking them on social media.

3.    Change the password to all your email and social media accounts—It’s never wise to leave anything to chance when you are dealing with an angry ex and that includes access to your emails or social media accounts. Change your password and ensure you do not use any password your ex is likely to associate with you.

4.    Do not leave yourself open to mischief--- Be cautious about accepting friend requests from strange people on Facebook and other social media platforms and under no circumstances should you blindly accept invitations to date strangers or persons you communicate with only through social media.

5.    Do not send intimate photos of yourself to anyone seeking to date you. One of the biggest mistakes someone who’ve had a messy break-up could make is to send out naked photos and videos of themselves. You never know who is trying to get that kind of material to use against you and the lengths to which they will go to get their hands on it.

6.    Learn to laugh but be watchful—Laughing at someone who is trying to destroy you is one of the most effective ways of making them feel they are wasting their time. Your ex’s intention is to make your life miserable. When you laugh about their antics rather than cry it shows your strength and confuses them in the same way the devil is confused when you praise in the midst of the storm. However, be mindful that when some persons realize that their actions are not having the desired effect on you, they are likely to turn up the heat so be very watchful.

The key to remaining on your feet in the midst of attacks from a disgruntled ex is to know who you are, remain in control of your emotions and never allow another person to cause you to do or say anything that is out of character. One day, they will get tired and throw in the towel. When that happens you should be able to walk in public without feeling ashamed of your behavior throughout the storm.