If you have been scratching
your head trying to figure why a man you care about keeps questioning why you
have chosen him, pause for a moment, let’s reason.
Sometimes a woman who
has accomplished certain things in her life, and who is expected to opt for a
partner of a certain status, chooses a man who isn’t anywhere close to her in
terms of achievements, whether educationally, or financially. Nothing is wrong
with being with a man who isn’t your educational or financial equal, as long as
he treats you with love and respect and brings value to the relationship.
The real problem
arises when despite everything you do to reassure him, he still questions why
you chose him. Sometimes the problem is
simply this…he might be ready for a relationship but just not a relationship
with you. Here are some of the signs he isn’t ready for a relationship with YOU.
1.
Nothing you do reassures him: Regardless of what you do or say to reassure
him, that he is the one you want, he keeps asking why you chose him. Some
persons have self-esteem issues, which are deep rooted, possibly from past
hurts. If he has been rejected by someone who might have been in a similar
social standing as you, he will find it difficult to believe that you do want
him. Whilst he is with you, he is waiting to hear you say it’s over any minute.
2.
He wants to control your personal and
professional interactions: A man who feels that he can lose you at any time to someone whom
he perceives is better ‘qualified’ , is likely to try to hold on to you for
dear life by being controlling. He might want to restrict your communication and
dictate the time you spend with others, even professional associates.
3.
He constantly finds excuses to avoid committing: Men often retreat and do not open up when
they are thinking through things. If you want him to commit and he feels he isn’t
ready for a woman like you, it is unlikely he will tell you but his cues might
include retreating without explanation. What he is doing is processing the
situation, how to deal with it. He is trying
to figure if he should believe that you genuinely want HIM, if he should just
relax and risk it, or if he should invest in getting himself up to your level so
that he may feel more secure in himself.
4.
He does not have certain things that make a
man feel accomplished: When a man over a certain age, does not have some things that
make him feel secure as a man, such as a good paying job, a car, a house or
anything of real value that makes him feel accomplished, it can be difficult
for him to maintain a relationship, worse with a woman who already has those things.
Some men will not move into a woman’s house. These are the traditional types
who feel they should be providing her with a roof over her head and not the
other way around. If a man is not in a position to put a roof over a woman’s
head or even to take her out for a meal, it will be difficult for him to
believe that an accomplished woman wants him in her life, unless it’s for a
casual affair.
If you notice these
things about a man that you are genuinely interested in, it does not matter how
good a woman you are. You will
continue to have failed relationships if you choose a man who isn't ready for you.
When a man feels that he does not deserve you,
that he's not up to your standard, your relationship will be filled with
insecurities and mothering moments. You trying to convince him that he is the
one you want, that he's worthy of you and him trying to figure out what you see
in him. All that time should be spent building your relationship, but instead
you'll be stuck, justifying the relationship. The problem is in his head and
YOU can't fix it, he has to fix it himself and come back when he's ready for YOU.
Marie
Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a Communications Specialist, motivational speaker
and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing,
Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Follow her on Facebook, Instagram at MarieBerbick and twitter @thePR
Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com
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