5 Things a Man Should Know About an Independent Woman

More and more women are earning degrees, launching into business ventures and holding down jobs that allow them to be financially independent. However, a significant number of these women are struggling to find good partners who can comfortably handle their independence for a successful relationship. Sometimes the attitude of an independent woman is the main reason she is unable to have a successful relationship, however, men are also doing a number of things wrong, as it relates to relationships with a woman who can hold her own financially.

Here are a few things a man should know about a woman who can hold her own financially.

1.    A confident man is very attractive--- Men appear to be easily intimidated by women who don’t need them to be their main provider. However, confidence and ambition can go a far way for a man who wants to capture the heart of an independent woman. A man who has no money in his pocket but has loads of confidence, drive and ambition, can get further with an independent woman than a man who has some money but isn’t confident when he is around her. The key to getting this kind of woman to consider you worthy is your confidence and how you treat her.

2.    She still wants a man who can back her up -- Financial security carries a heavy weighting among things women want in their relationships but, being able to take care of herself doesn’t mean an independent woman wants a man who is unable to pull his weight in the relationship. Whilst she can afford to pay her own bills, this kind of woman still wants to know that a man is willing to contribute to her life in a tangible way. While she might not expect you to pay her rent, mortgage or utilities, she has hopes that you will be supportive and step up in other ways. If she always has to pay the bills on dates it can become tiring, so don’t sit back and wait for her to take out her purse every time you go out. She still wants gifts, she still wants to feel like a woman, she still wants to feel your impact in her life so step forward and do what you can or she will eventually lose respect for you.

3.    Don’t allow her success to intimidate you- Unless she is self-centered, most independent women do not want someone who fawns over them. She wants your respect and admiration but don’t act like you are star struck over her achievements. These women are often leaders, they are used to getting things done so they admire strong confident men who compliment those traits. The best way to get this kind of woman to take you seriously is to acknowledge her uniqueness but be confident in yourself as being deserving of her. Don’t tell her things like “I don’t deserve you or ask questions such as “What do you see in me?” Show her the value you bring to her life and be confident that you are what she needs.

4.    Be the man in the relationship - Some independent women can be head strong mainly because they are used to holding their own. She possibly got to where she is without depending on a man. The mistake some men make with these women is they refuse to be the man in the relationship. They sit back and wait for her to lead in every way when they should take charge of certain things without being controlling. Don’t wait for her to come up with solutions to every challenge you have, step out and lead. If you demonstrate that you are mentally strong and that she can trust you to resolve issues, she will have the confidence to let go of the desire to always lead. If you fail to be the man in the relationship, she might lose respect for you.

5.    Make her feel like the woman in the relationship—No matter how tough an independent woman appears to be, it is quite likely that she still wants to be treated like a kitten outside of work mode.  No man is an island so an independent women also wants companionship and balance in her life. Treat her like she’s the woman in the relationship and romance her. Stop seeing her as this strong woman who doesn’t need you. Show her that she can rely on you to bring her comfort and be her rock when she doesn’t feel strong.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER).  Follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. 

The Lure of the Married Man, Why Women Go There

The story of the other woman is an age old one which continues to play out with little sign of cessation despite the fact that society frowns upon the other woman in no uncertain terms.

While men often get a slap on the wrist for their infidelity, the woman gets something that is more comparable to a kick, one from which she sometimes never recovers especially if she is a serial side chick. A woman who becomes involved with a married man is taking a risk with her heart, her reputation and perhaps valuable time she will never be able to get back.

Studies have shown that only about 5% of married men leave their wives for the other woman and 93% of married men who cheat will not admit the cheating to their wives. If caught, they would rather throw the other woman under the bus because they do not want to risk what they have invested in their marriage.

So, despite the evidence of losses being more than gains, why do some women get involved and keep holding onto relationships with their married lovers?

1.    Financial--- Affairs cost and most women prefer a man who can comfortably provide for them. A woman who wants some extra financial help without committing to domestic life finds the perfect candidate in a married man who can give her that support without her having to take on the responsibilities of a wife. The man wants to keep his wife and he also wants to have the other woman available to him when he needs her so both are playing the game to their benefit.

2.    She got sucked in and believes he will leave his wife- A woman can start out by being a sounding board for a man who claims to be in an unhappy marriage. He will share with her more and more details of what is wrong in his marriage and if she is not careful, she eventually begins to see herself as the solution to his problems especially if he has expressed interest in her. A woman might believe she can rescue an unhappily married man from his ‘evil’ wife. A woman in this situation should be mindful that a lot of married men will not tell you the whole truth about the state of things in their marriage, worse if he is interested in her. Marriages have there down periods so a woman should not blindly believe that a married man will leave his wife for her. Despite his marital problems, it is highly likely that he and his wife still share a bed. You can give a listening ear but don’t become the sole sounding board. It’s best to refer him to a counselor before you get sucked in and the years pass you by, waiting for him to leave his wife.

3.    She doesn’t want a husband—She could be a single woman who has no interest in getting married or having children. She wants the sex, gifts and companionship without the responsibility of caring for a man, household and family. There is a growing number of women who can provide for themselves who see a married man as the answer to their sexual and companionship needs. 

4.    She’s vulnerable---A woman who is going through something challenging in her life is often not emotionally stable enough to make wise relationship decisions. She could be dealing with a broken relationship, divorce or some other emotionally challenging situation. A woman in any of these situations is vulnerable and will attract the wrong men as her vision is likely short sighted. She wants immediate attention and affection to soothe her pain thus she is an easy prey for the man who knows this and is willing to provide it in order to get close to her. This opens the door for unhealthy relationships including with the married man who knows how to treat a woman well but wants something other than a committed relationship.

5.    Generational curse/She’s a serial side chick---Some women simply do not want a man of their own. There is something about a married man that appeals to them so a cycle develops overtime where she moves from one married man to another. There can be a spiritual side to this behavior (generational curse), but not everyone will accept that a woman who has serial relationships with married men has a spiritual problem. They would rather label her a homewrecker and give her a whipping if they can.

6.    She was tricked-  Yes, there are women who became involved with men whom they had no idea were married until the wife finds out and contact them. The difficulty for some of these women is that they are now emotionally attached to the man and despite knowing that he is not available, they find it difficult to let go of the relationship. This is when the man will tell them what they want to hear in order to keep them hanging on and hoping he will eventually leave his wife. Although some men do leave their wives, most rarely do.

7.    She has power/emotional issues- There are women who are overachievers and are used to getting what they want and they apply the same mindset to getting a man. If she sees a man she wants, it matters not if he is married. She is used to winning so she will go after him just to prove to herself that she can get him. This is where the tables might turn in terms of her showering him with gifts to prove she can take care of him better than his wife.

Women have to be vigilant in finding out whether a man is already taken because a lot of married men do conceal their marital status from other women they are seeking to get involved with. A woman needs to know where the man lives, be allowed to visit his home after a reasonable period of dating, know where he works and at least know his friends, if not his family. A smart woman will also seek to see a man’s ID as soon as possible after they meet.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on http://marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com

7 Things a Woman Really Needs In a Man

As women, we sometimes believe we have it well thought through in terms of what we want in

a man, but we often overlook something very important—the things we really need in a man. Whilst a woman might not want anyone to tell her what kind of man she should be with, certain toxic patterns call for self-reflection. For instance, you tell yourself that you want a certain kind of man, yet despite being constantly lucky in finding that kind of man, the relationships simply do not work.

If you constantly go for the handsome, career guy who is financially secure, yet you have to compete relentlessly with other women for his attention, and he has little time to spend with you, you might want to look at needs versus wants.  Perhaps you want these types of men but they are not meeting your needs and you really need a guy who is less focused on climbing the corporate ladder, one is able to invest more time into building the relationship.

Your man doesn’t need to be handsome for your relationship to work, hence good looks isn’t a need. Needs are required for your overall well-being, they are like the oxygen in your relationship, wants aren’t necessarily so. However, we tend to become more caught up with what we want, rather than what we need. Wants tend to be superficial, while needs are more substance.  In relationships, misunderstanding your needs can make a significant difference between happiness and a life of misery. 

Here are seven things a woman really needs in a man.

1     A man who makes time for her---  A woman wants attention and quality time with her man. A man who does not spend time with his woman ignores her to his own peril. Regardless of how well he provides for her, if he does not take care of her emotional needs, the relationship is at risk. A man who makes time to do things with his woman is a keeper.  What she will never forget is if you cancel something else just to spend time with her.

2     A man who will talk and listen --- Men in general do not like to sit and talk or listen to their women for too long but guess what? She needs you to talk and listen so make the time. Women like to express themselves verbally. When a man sits and listens to what she has to say, it means a lot to her and don’t be trying to watch your favourite game at the same time she is speaking with you.

3     A man who respects and appreciates her--- A woman’s work is never done. Whether it is being a fulltime stay at home mom, or trying to juggle her career and taking care of the kids while ensuring her man’s needs are taken care of, it’s a lot of work.  Women need to feel respected and appreciated. A man doesn’t have to tell his woman ‘I love you’ every day but ensure she knows by your actions, that you respect and appreciate her.

4     A man who understands the importance of financial security---he doesn’t have to be rich but a woman needs a man who takes seriously his role as a provider. Whether or not his woman is earning her own money, a woman needs a man who values taking care of his household.

5     A man who never stops romancing her--- Long after the courtship is over, a woman still wants to be romanced by her man. Send her little love notes, romantic text messages in the middle of the work day, or just a simple ‘how’s your day going?’ to show her you are thinking about her.  Whatsapp her a song that sums up how you feel about her, have flowers delivered to her at work, these are all little romantic gestures that women need from a man.

6     A man who isn’t afraid to show emotions—There are some men who will never tell his woman I love you. He might do the things to make her comfortable but stays away from doing the things that he thinks makes him appear ‘soft’. The simple fact is some men are not comfortable expressing love sometimes because of how they were brought up. However women need to feel loved. Show her you love her and do not be afraid to tell her too.

7     A man who will protect her—Women like to have a sense of being secure so they like  to know that their men can and will protect them. A woman wants to know that if a situation arises, her man will not run away and leave her to fend for herself. A woman needs a man in whom she can have that kind of confidence.

Marie Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a Motivational Speaker, Communications Specialist, award-winning journalist and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Follow her on twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com

Should You Tell Your Partner Everything About Your Past?

Openness and honesty are essential ingredients for a great relationship but being in love, or thinking that we are in love can cause us to do some unwise things, including spilling every detail about our lives to that person we think we are in love with.

Many people make mistakes especially in their young giddy headed days but some things should be left where they are, not carried over to stir up unnecessary problems in your current relationship. Whilst keeping secrets is not to be encouraged in any relationship, there are some things about your PAST that you do not NEED to tell your partner, here’s why.

1.    If it’s not necessary, you don’t need to share it—If the information has no bearing on your current relationship and is likely to stir up unnecessary jealousy and insecurity on the part of your partner, keep your mouth closed. In some instances, certain information is necessary for you to share. For example, if you have a criminal past, or you’ve had a medical procedure done in the past, which is affecting your ability to have children with your current partner, this is not information you should keep from your partner. If you are about to introduce your partner to a previous lover for business or other purposes, tell him/her you were once involved with this person or your secret could come back to haunt you. These are things you should not keep your partner in the dark about.
     However, if you cheated in a previous relationship, you have never cheated on your current partner and have a great relationship going with no interest in cheating, what’s the purpose of telling your partner you cheated in a previous relationship? Not every man can handle certain information, even if it’s from your past. Your unnecessary confession could do more harm than good to your current relationship.

2.    Raging hormones can cause you to not think rationally—When we feel like we are in love, we are likely to make decisions with our heart and not our head. One of the biggest mistakes particularly women make is to let loose after a good sex session.  When oxytocin is released during lovemaking, that feeling of attachment is very high. Unfortunately, that is when a lot of women throw caution to the wind and begin to talk like parrots about their past. Sex can be just a physical act, with no emotional attachment, especially for men, so think before you speak. 

3.    People get into relationships for various reasons: Not everybody is with their partner because they love and want to share the rest of their lives with them. People get into relationships for all kinds of selfish reasons so don't be too quick to share too much, too soon. Not all relationships end well and sometimes a jilted lover can become your worse nightmare if they decide to use what you’ve told them against you. 

4.    If the relationship is still young, share only what he/she NEEDs to know---Everyone deserves to know who they are getting involved with but you can date someone for months and still not KNOW that person. You can also be open and honest without being naïve. If you have not spent enough time together for you to determine that you can trust the person, be careful how much you share. People can be vindictive when things don’t work out.

Love is a wonderful thing and the high that comes from being in love is an incredible feeling but keep your head firmly screwed onto your body. Be wise when it comes to information about your past. Think before you spill.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on http://marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com

6 Things to Note if You're Considering Divorce or Ending a Long Term Relationship

So you’re now officially over…the relationship or marriage many people including yourself thought was made in Heaven wasn’t really so after all and now you are dealing with the estranged  spouse from hell who is determined to make you feel the heat. It is often said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but truthfully, it goes both ways! Unless your partner is a reasonable person, separation or divorce can expose you to some deeply unpleasant moments. It is perhaps very true that if you really want to know the person you marry, try divorcing them!

Here are some life lessons that you can apply in dealing with divorce or separation.

1.       1. Don’t move out your matrimonial home— ladies, don’t move out of your matrimonial home, especially if you have children. Unless your life is being threatened and you feel unsafe, stay in your home. If your spouse is abusive, get a protection and an occupation order and stay in your home with your children. If you are the type who sweeps incidences of physical abuse under the carpet because you are ashamed, and do not want your friends and family to know—stop it. Report those incidents of abuse to the police and ensure you receive a receipt at the police station. If you have had to seek medical attention, request a report from the doctor and also keep your medical expense receipts. These receipts will assist you in applying for a protection order if necessary as they will demonstrate to the court, your partner’s history of abusive behaviour.

2.    2. Research well before choosing a lawyer—a good lawyer can make a difference in how long your divorce or custody matters are before the court. It is imperative that you choose a lawyer who is experienced in family matters and is interested in bringing closure to your matters as quickly as possible. Whilst it is good to have a lawyer who will put up a good fight in your interest, especially if your divorce is contentious, it is also very important that the lawyer is interested in getting closure as soon as possible, especially if children are involved.  Failing that, you will likely find yourself before the court for a long time, in a drawn out and expensive divorce battle. The money you end up spending could have comfortably helped you to start over. Last year I met a man who is now broken in many ways— after more than 80 court appearances in a bitter 10 year divorce and custody battle.

3.    3. Do not use your children as pawns—Divorce or separation can be very difficult for the adults involved so think for a moment what it does to the children who are caught in the middle. Bitter spouses often use the children to get back at each other. Either the mother seeks to deprive the father of time with the children or it’s the other way around. One of the most irresponsible acts that couples in bitter divorces are sometimes guilty of is manipulation of the children where either the mother sets up the children against the father or the father sets the children up against the mother. What’s even worse is when one party falsely accuses the other of child abuse in an effort to gain custody. This can be a most demoralizing experience for the party who is falsely accused and if you are not strong you might even consider throwing up your hands, packing your bags and getting on the plane! If you do have a legitimate case of child abuse against your spouse, that is different but falsely accusing one’s spouse of child abuse during a custody battle is far more popular than we think according to the Office of the Children’s Registry. I can attest that without a good support system, you can crumble from the shame and stress.  A professional colleague in a prominent position who was falsely accused of child abuse by her estranged husband, described her experience as “some of the lowest moments of my life” after social workers showed up at her home and her children’s school numerous times and her estranged husband showed up at her office to berate her, claiming credit for her success. She had to get a protection order against him. If there is a genuine need for you to act to protect your children, do so, but if you are guilty of using your children as pawns in your divorce mess, you are doing serious damage to them.  Think about your pain, multiply it by double digits and that’s the pain your children are experiencing. Stop it.

4.    4.Try mediation before you decide to fight in court—as long as your partner is amiable to mediation, go for it. Mediation is far less expensive than a long, bitter court battle over things you could easily sit at a table and discuss with a mediator and agree on. Mind you, there are bitter spouses who are so determined to get at the other party that they refuse to consider mediation. However, always recommend to your spouse, the mediation route and if they insist on going to court, at least you did try so pray, put on your spiritual armour and feel confident that favour is with you as you are not personally fighting that battle.

5.    5. Keep all matters in one court—Your divorce is filed in the Supreme Court. As best as possible try to have all matters (maintenance and custody if applicable) heard in the same court. Having custody and maintenance heard separately in the Family Court can delay your divorce especially if these matters are contentious. If your spouse is the spiteful type they can also purposefully use a battle for custody of the children to delay the divorce. Remember, if the Supreme Court is not satisfied regarding the custody and welfare of your children, your divorce will not be granted. One of the challenges with the Family Court is that your matters can come before  different judges each time you appear and this can delay a resolution in those matters as a judge who is new in the matter, needs to ensure that due diligence is done. Consequently you can find your matter going around in circles for quite sometime. I personally almost lost count of the judges who heard my matters in the Family Court.

6.    6. Be fair and don’t be blinded by vindictiveness— As much as you might feel that you despise your estranged husband, don’t allow your anger to blind you. When we are angry, we cannot think rationally and many people go through their divorce with so much anger and bitterness that winning is all that matters and that means taking everything and leaving the other person with nothing. Wrong approach. Ask for what you are entitled to, but don’t try to prevent the other person from getting what they too are entitled to. People spend years acquiring assets and depending what age you are at when you separate or divorce, it could take many more years to rebuild. Your spouse deserves to have something too. Men, your ex-wife might not be your favourite person but she is still the mother of your children. Do not try to force her out in the street with your children.  Familiarize yourself with the pieces of legislation that are relevant in divorce cases, including the Property (Rights of Spouses) Act 2004. Knowledge of these laws and their interpretations will help you to make realistic decisions about whether you really want to go through a long bitter divorce battle rather than sit at a table like mature adults, work out differences, split assetts and peacefully go your separate ways.

Marie Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a Communications Specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER).  

When the Relationship Exists Only in your Head

Sometimes women being the emotional creatures we are, think we are in a relationship

when the man we are supposedly in the relationship with, sees things very differently. Most women like to know a man is not afraid to commit. In their hurry to get him to commit, they commit him themselves. Everything might even seem normal in terms of being seen together publicly, going out on dates and spending time together. However, this is no guarantee that you are in fact in a relationship.

You can date someone for months and still not be in a relationship. The mistake women make sometimes, is that they automatically assume that once they have been seeing someone for a few weeks or even months, they occupy the position of girlfriend. They quickly change their Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ and close the door on other prospects without having a frank discussion with the man to ensure he is on the same page. 

Some men will date a woman without committing to a relationship, for as long as she allows it. Ask the frank questions up front, what is he looking for? What does he like about you? Does he see you as the woman he could spend the rest of his life with? Is he dating other persons or is this something exclusive and serious?

Social Media has become one of the most popular facilitators of ‘fantasy’ relationships. Although Social media has enabled some persons to meet their ideal partners it has  also provided men and women with opportunities to lead others down an empty road, into ‘relationships’, that one party sometimes knows doesn’t exist but the other is totally unaware.

 For example, you’ve ‘met’ someone via social media. You are yet to see them in person but you text, voice note and video call every day. It feels wonderful just like a normal relationship, with all the emojis, love hearts and roses you received via texting. In your mind, you have a relationship with this person and even tell others that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Months down the road, you finally meet this person and realize that things were not as you thought. The person is either married, attached or single but not in a relationship with YOU.

This is happening more regularly these days as a wider pool of persons become accessible to us thanks to communication technology, particularly via social media. I’ve said before that some persons would be shocked if they were to get a glimpse of their partner’s mobile phone, the number of persons they interact with in a romantic way. The truth is that many of these people are living out a fantasy because their situation might be such that they cannot be in a real relationship.

Here are some situations where the relationship exists only in your head.

1.    Some persons are married and bored: The person you are communicating with is perhaps married but bored in their marriage. They have no intention of leaving their spouse but need a little oomph or excitement to help them through the slump. The easiest way to get someone to come for this ride with them is via social media.  If the person texts, voicenotes or speaks to you only during the day time, often has to abruptly end conversations and you can never video call them, those are red flags. They are quite likely married or in a committed relationship and you’re their fantasy partner.

2.    He/she communicates only by text: Easy and fun as it may be, a relationship cannot be sustained by texting. Two people who are seriously interested in each other need to talk to each other, see each other, spend time with each other, do things together. There are persons who are pretty comfortable texting but clam up the moment the thought of an actual voice conversation is raised. If this happens, don’t even bother to waste your time. You are not in a relationship. The person needs a text buddy to pass time with.

3.    He/she sends you mainly sexually explicit messages: If you ‘meet’ someone via social media, they ‘like’ or comment only on those photos in which you are skimpily attired and sends you endless photos of themselves nude or in states of undress, they are interested in a sex buddy, not a relationship. It doesn’t matter how long you have been communicating with them, how many times they have told you how beautiful you are and how flattered you are by the attention. It doesn’t matter how nice a guy he seems.  If their interest is centered around exchanging nude photos and they have never invited you on a date, you are likely dealing with a pervert, not someone who wants a relationship.

4.    He is never available to do the things that matter: If you are seeing someone who is available for sex but does not make himself available to do with you, the things a normal couple would do together, you are not in a relationship. If you have children and he has never made time to meet them, interact with them, never accompanied you to do some shopping, never sat down and ate a meal you have prepared, never calls you to check how you are after some heavy rain, never sought to go get you some Panadol if you have a headache, never volunteered to take your car to the car wash, simple things like these that a man in a relationship would do for his lady, don’t fool yourself. You are not in a relationship. What you have is an unspoken arrangement to provide each other with sex.

     Don’t be afraid to ask outright, where you stand. You will save yourself the heartache that comes with finding out later, that what you thought was a relationship, existed only in YOUR mind.

Marie Berbick is a motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on http://marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com

When His Family Isn’t Into You

A woman who is in a relationship with a man whose family doesn’t fancy her is normally forced to fight for acceptance. But should she even bother with trying to win their acceptance? Does it matter if his family likes you or not? A decision to fight for acceptance or approval is totally up to you. It certainly makes things less stressful for the relationship when his family likes you but some women couldn’t care less. As long as the man is happy with her, she is good, after all she isn’t marrying his family? Or is she? However you wish to look at it, once you are in that man’s life, you will be affected if his family isn’t into you. How yourself and your partner deal with it, determine the longevity of your relationship.

The struggle for acceptance is not limited to the women either. While women want to be accepted by their man’s family, men also want to be accepted by their lady’s family. For the women, if the man is close to his mother, winning the heart of the mother-in-law is important, for if mama isn’t into you, your goose is cooked.  On the other hand, the men want to win over their woman’s dad who is often the one that gives them the hardest time.

It is very helpful when a woman who finds herself in an unwelcoming family, has a man with backbone. Whilst some men will try their best to remain balanced in these situations, it is very difficult not to choose sides. Some will ostracize their family in support of the woman in their life, others will often defend their family when the frustrated girlfriend lashes out at them and this can cause serious tension and disquiet in the relationship.

How much does it matter if the man’s family is into you or not? As long as you are both happy, who cares what his family thinks of you? Some men definitely do not see it this way.. After a good talk with some male friends about how a man handles situations where his family isn’t into his lady, it became evident that for most of them who are close to their families, they do want their family to like their lady. It makes for a more peaceful life.

My younger brother is one of those men who is deeply analytic and very mature in his approach to life and relationships. He recently got married and couldn’t hide his delight at the fact that all his sisters and his mom liked his bride! “All my sisters like my lady. Means I made a good choice for my sisters are very critical,” he boasted on Facebook.

Some men, for a peaceful life will keep the woman in his life away from his family because he is often able to tell from the get go, that they aren’t going to like her. The last thing a man wants is to be forced to choose between his girl and his family. Some men will hide the woman they are dating because they know their family will not like her and they do take the opinions of not only their mothers but also their sisters seriously when it comes to assessing their lady. My brother shared that he especially pays attention to how his sisters view the woman because women typically are able to detect some things in another woman that a man won’t.

While some women are blessed with having a great relationship with their man’s family, some aren’t, so here are some insights that could help a woman manage the situation.

1 A man does not like to choose between his woman and his family. –He might love you dearly but he does not want to choose between you and his family so as best as possible, be respectful to his family regardless of how they behave toward you. If you take the high ground, he will have even more reason to be proud of his choice of woman and quite possibly, one day his family will realize that you too are deserving of their respect.

2. Some men will purposefully keep his woman away from his family to avoid conflict—Sometimes a man will keep you away from his family, not because he wants to hide the relationship but because he is protecting you. Some men know their families very well and when they find a woman whom they know will not meet their approval, he might simply opt to keep you away from the firestorm. He might not readily admit it but some men are actually not proud of their family’s behaviour and he might be trying to save both of you from embarrassment by keeping you away.  Just ensure that he explains clearly why he keeps you away from his family.

3. Often it’s the females in his family who give you a hard time—Women are often very mean to each other and sometimes you do not need to do anything for the man’s mother or sisters to dislike you. You have their son’s or brother’s heart and that means you are a threat, especially if they share a very close relationship. If you’ve been on your best behaviour, have treated the man well and can’t figure out why his family dislikes you, it’s possible they have no reason. Just keep being a good woman to the man, remain respectful to his family and don’t talk bad about them, he won’t be happy about that.

4. Womens’ intuition is often correct

You could quickly dismiss what his mother or sisters think about you but he might not. Women are pretty good at summing up each other so he could very well be watching keenly to see if you will turn out to be who they might have told him you really are. Just be yourself and don’t wear a mask to impress his family for the day will come when that mask comes off.

Although a woman has to be smart about her approach to dealing with a man’s family who might be determined to make her life hell, the man also must show backbone in dealing with the situation. Don’t allow your family to continually disrespect your lady and if you know your mother is treating her unfairly, be a man and tell her so. Be as balanced as possible and protect that woman who is looking after you and your home. After all she is doing for you, some valuable things mama cannot do.

Marie Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a Communications Specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Follow her on twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com