Anything that has been
parked for too long, not being used will become rusty. The same applies for
persons who have not been in a relationship for an extended period. That moment
when you are ready to take the plunge again, you will discover that a lot may
have changed in the world of dating and that you are very much out of practice.
Here are a few things that you might find yourself struggling with.
1
Taking the walls down— A lot of people who have had failed
relationships build walls to protect themselves in moving forward. However, the
walls you build to keep out the people you fear will hurt you, might very well
prevent you from enjoying a great relationship with someone who is genuine. Walls
come down with healing, trust and time so be open with this new person about
your fears. Slowly take the walls down rather than allow your fears to cause
you to lose a good man/woman.
2
Getting used to another person in your space---If you have not been in a relationship for several
years, you might find yourself struggling to get used to another person in your
space. Once you both agree that you are serious, spending time together is
essential, however, it can be difficult to re-adjust to having someone else
around, after you have become so used to being by yourself. Be careful though, that you do not push that
person away by being selfish with your time and refusing to allow them into
your space except when YOU want to see them.
3
He/she checking on you- A good man or woman wants to know that their
partner is OK when they are not around. Whether it is to inquire if you got
home safely or if you have eaten. However, even these simple caring acts can
appear intrusive to a person who has not been in a relationship for a long
time. They can find it difficult to get used to ‘reporting’ to another person.
In the same way that some people find it very hard to get used to functioning on
their own again after a broken long term relationship, the person who is getting
back into a relationship after a long break can find it hard to re-adjust to
being accountable to someone else. If you do not live together, it is natural
for your significant other to want to know you got home safely after a date, so
call or text as soon as you get home.
4
Talking too much about your ex- Although it’s good to talk to each other, be
careful that the dominant topic of your conversations are not about your ex and
how much you despise them. A good man or woman will listen because they care
about you but if too much of your time together is spent reminiscing about the
past, that person will eventually get turned off. It doesn’t matter how long
you have split from someone, if you spend most of your time talking about them,
it means you are not ready to move forward. Ladies, don’t tell a man everything
about your past either. As long as you are not endangering his life, some things
he does not need to know. Talk to a therapist.
5
Being lonely but not ready for companionship—Loneliness is one of the biggest challenges
for persons who have not been in a relationship for some time. Loneliness can
cause them to think they are ready for a new person in their lives when they
are not ready for a relationship. A relationship involves doing things
together, spending quality time together, planning together and incorporating
that person into your life in many ways. When you are ready for a serious
relationship after a long break, you will be prepared for companionship, not
just have the desire for someone else’s company when you feel lonely.
Marie
Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a Communications Specialist, motivational speaker
and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing,
Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Follow her on twitter @thePR Girl. Email
marieberbick@gmail.com
