5 Things a Man Should Know About an Independent Woman

More and more women are earning degrees, launching into business ventures and holding down jobs that allow them to be financially independent. However, a significant number of these women are struggling to find good partners who can comfortably handle their independence for a successful relationship. Sometimes the attitude of an independent woman is the main reason she is unable to have a successful relationship, however, men are also doing a number of things wrong, as it relates to relationships with a woman who can hold her own financially.

Here are a few things a man should know about a woman who can hold her own financially.

1.    A confident man is very attractive--- Men appear to be easily intimidated by women who don’t need them to be their main provider. However, confidence and ambition can go a far way for a man who wants to capture the heart of an independent woman. A man who has no money in his pocket but has loads of confidence, drive and ambition, can get further with an independent woman than a man who has some money but isn’t confident when he is around her. The key to getting this kind of woman to consider you worthy is your confidence and how you treat her.

2.    She still wants a man who can back her up -- Financial security carries a heavy weighting among things women want in their relationships but, being able to take care of herself doesn’t mean an independent woman wants a man who is unable to pull his weight in the relationship. Whilst she can afford to pay her own bills, this kind of woman still wants to know that a man is willing to contribute to her life in a tangible way. While she might not expect you to pay her rent, mortgage or utilities, she has hopes that you will be supportive and step up in other ways. If she always has to pay the bills on dates it can become tiring, so don’t sit back and wait for her to take out her purse every time you go out. She still wants gifts, she still wants to feel like a woman, she still wants to feel your impact in her life so step forward and do what you can or she will eventually lose respect for you.

3.    Don’t allow her success to intimidate you- Unless she is self-centered, most independent women do not want someone who fawns over them. She wants your respect and admiration but don’t act like you are star struck over her achievements. These women are often leaders, they are used to getting things done so they admire strong confident men who compliment those traits. The best way to get this kind of woman to take you seriously is to acknowledge her uniqueness but be confident in yourself as being deserving of her. Don’t tell her things like “I don’t deserve you or ask questions such as “What do you see in me?” Show her the value you bring to her life and be confident that you are what she needs.

4.    Be the man in the relationship - Some independent women can be head strong mainly because they are used to holding their own. She possibly got to where she is without depending on a man. The mistake some men make with these women is they refuse to be the man in the relationship. They sit back and wait for her to lead in every way when they should take charge of certain things without being controlling. Don’t wait for her to come up with solutions to every challenge you have, step out and lead. If you demonstrate that you are mentally strong and that she can trust you to resolve issues, she will have the confidence to let go of the desire to always lead. If you fail to be the man in the relationship, she might lose respect for you.

5.    Make her feel like the woman in the relationship—No matter how tough an independent woman appears to be, it is quite likely that she still wants to be treated like a kitten outside of work mode.  No man is an island so an independent women also wants companionship and balance in her life. Treat her like she’s the woman in the relationship and romance her. Stop seeing her as this strong woman who doesn’t need you. Show her that she can rely on you to bring her comfort and be her rock when she doesn’t feel strong.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER).  Follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. 

The Lure of the Married Man, Why Women Go There

The story of the other woman is an age old one which continues to play out with little sign of cessation despite the fact that society frowns upon the other woman in no uncertain terms.

While men often get a slap on the wrist for their infidelity, the woman gets something that is more comparable to a kick, one from which she sometimes never recovers especially if she is a serial side chick. A woman who becomes involved with a married man is taking a risk with her heart, her reputation and perhaps valuable time she will never be able to get back.

Studies have shown that only about 5% of married men leave their wives for the other woman and 93% of married men who cheat will not admit the cheating to their wives. If caught, they would rather throw the other woman under the bus because they do not want to risk what they have invested in their marriage.

So, despite the evidence of losses being more than gains, why do some women get involved and keep holding onto relationships with their married lovers?

1.    Financial--- Affairs cost and most women prefer a man who can comfortably provide for them. A woman who wants some extra financial help without committing to domestic life finds the perfect candidate in a married man who can give her that support without her having to take on the responsibilities of a wife. The man wants to keep his wife and he also wants to have the other woman available to him when he needs her so both are playing the game to their benefit.

2.    She got sucked in and believes he will leave his wife- A woman can start out by being a sounding board for a man who claims to be in an unhappy marriage. He will share with her more and more details of what is wrong in his marriage and if she is not careful, she eventually begins to see herself as the solution to his problems especially if he has expressed interest in her. A woman might believe she can rescue an unhappily married man from his ‘evil’ wife. A woman in this situation should be mindful that a lot of married men will not tell you the whole truth about the state of things in their marriage, worse if he is interested in her. Marriages have there down periods so a woman should not blindly believe that a married man will leave his wife for her. Despite his marital problems, it is highly likely that he and his wife still share a bed. You can give a listening ear but don’t become the sole sounding board. It’s best to refer him to a counselor before you get sucked in and the years pass you by, waiting for him to leave his wife.

3.    She doesn’t want a husband—She could be a single woman who has no interest in getting married or having children. She wants the sex, gifts and companionship without the responsibility of caring for a man, household and family. There is a growing number of women who can provide for themselves who see a married man as the answer to their sexual and companionship needs. 

4.    She’s vulnerable---A woman who is going through something challenging in her life is often not emotionally stable enough to make wise relationship decisions. She could be dealing with a broken relationship, divorce or some other emotionally challenging situation. A woman in any of these situations is vulnerable and will attract the wrong men as her vision is likely short sighted. She wants immediate attention and affection to soothe her pain thus she is an easy prey for the man who knows this and is willing to provide it in order to get close to her. This opens the door for unhealthy relationships including with the married man who knows how to treat a woman well but wants something other than a committed relationship.

5.    Generational curse/She’s a serial side chick---Some women simply do not want a man of their own. There is something about a married man that appeals to them so a cycle develops overtime where she moves from one married man to another. There can be a spiritual side to this behavior (generational curse), but not everyone will accept that a woman who has serial relationships with married men has a spiritual problem. They would rather label her a homewrecker and give her a whipping if they can.

6.    She was tricked-  Yes, there are women who became involved with men whom they had no idea were married until the wife finds out and contact them. The difficulty for some of these women is that they are now emotionally attached to the man and despite knowing that he is not available, they find it difficult to let go of the relationship. This is when the man will tell them what they want to hear in order to keep them hanging on and hoping he will eventually leave his wife. Although some men do leave their wives, most rarely do.

7.    She has power/emotional issues- There are women who are overachievers and are used to getting what they want and they apply the same mindset to getting a man. If she sees a man she wants, it matters not if he is married. She is used to winning so she will go after him just to prove to herself that she can get him. This is where the tables might turn in terms of her showering him with gifts to prove she can take care of him better than his wife.

Women have to be vigilant in finding out whether a man is already taken because a lot of married men do conceal their marital status from other women they are seeking to get involved with. A woman needs to know where the man lives, be allowed to visit his home after a reasonable period of dating, know where he works and at least know his friends, if not his family. A smart woman will also seek to see a man’s ID as soon as possible after they meet.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on http://marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com