The story of the other
woman is an age old one which continues to play out with little sign of
cessation despite the fact that society frowns upon the other woman in no
uncertain terms.
While men often get a
slap on the wrist for their infidelity, the woman gets something that is more
comparable to a kick, one from which she sometimes never recovers especially if
she is a serial side chick. A woman who becomes involved with a married man is
taking a risk with her heart, her reputation and perhaps valuable time she will
never be able to get back.
Studies have shown that
only about 5% of married men leave their wives for the other woman and 93% of
married men who cheat will not admit the cheating to their wives. If caught, they
would rather throw the other woman under the bus because they do not want to
risk what they have invested in their marriage.
So, despite the
evidence of losses being more than gains, why do some women get involved and keep
holding onto relationships with their married lovers?
1. Financial--- Affairs cost and most women prefer a man who can comfortably
provide for them. A woman who wants some extra financial help without
committing to domestic life finds the perfect candidate in a married man who
can give her that support without her having to take on the responsibilities of
a wife. The man wants to keep his wife and he also wants to have the other
woman available to him when he needs her so both are playing the game to their
benefit.
2. She got sucked in and believes he will leave his wife- A woman can start
out by being a sounding board for a man who claims to be in an unhappy
marriage. He will share with her more and more details of what is wrong in his
marriage and if she is not careful, she eventually begins to see herself as the
solution to his problems especially if he has expressed interest in her. A
woman might believe she can rescue an unhappily married man from his ‘evil’
wife. A woman in this situation should be mindful that a lot of married men
will not tell you the whole truth about the state of things in their marriage,
worse if he is interested in her. Marriages have there down periods so a woman
should not blindly believe that a married man will leave his wife for her. Despite
his marital problems, it is highly likely that he and his wife still share a
bed. You can give a listening ear but don’t become the sole sounding board.
It’s best to refer him to a counselor before you get sucked in and the years
pass you by, waiting for him to leave his wife.
3. She doesn’t want a husband—She could be a single woman who has no
interest in getting married or having children. She wants the sex, gifts and
companionship without the responsibility of caring for a man, household and
family. There is a growing number of women who can provide for themselves who
see a married man as the answer to their sexual and companionship needs.
4. She’s vulnerable---A woman who is going through something challenging in her
life is often not emotionally stable enough to make wise relationship
decisions. She could be dealing with a broken relationship, divorce or some
other emotionally challenging situation. A woman in any of these situations is vulnerable
and will attract the wrong men as her vision is likely short sighted. She wants
immediate attention and affection to soothe her pain thus she is an easy prey
for the man who knows this and is willing to provide it in order to get close
to her. This opens the door for unhealthy relationships including with the married
man who knows how to treat a woman well but wants something other than a
committed relationship.
5. Generational curse/She’s a serial side chick---Some women simply do
not want a man of their own. There is something about a married man that
appeals to them so a cycle develops overtime where she moves from one married
man to another. There can be a spiritual side to this behavior (generational
curse), but not everyone will accept that a woman who has serial relationships
with married men has a spiritual problem. They would rather label her a
homewrecker and give her a whipping if they can.
6. She was tricked- Yes, there are women who
became involved with men whom they had no idea were married until the wife
finds out and contact them. The difficulty for some of these women is that they
are now emotionally attached to the man and despite knowing that he is not
available, they find it difficult to let go of the relationship. This is when
the man will tell them what they want to hear in order to keep them hanging on
and hoping he will eventually leave his wife. Although some men do leave their
wives, most rarely do.
7. She has power/emotional issues- There are women who are overachievers and are
used to getting what they want and they apply the same mindset to getting a
man. If she sees a man she wants, it matters not if he is married. She is used
to winning so she will go after him just to prove to herself that she can get
him. This is where the tables might turn in terms of her showering him with
gifts to prove she can take care of him better than his wife.
Women have to be
vigilant in finding out whether a man is already taken because a lot of married
men do conceal their marital status from other women they are seeking to get
involved with. A woman needs to know where the man lives, be allowed to visit
his home after a reasonable period of dating, know where he works and at least
know his friends, if not his family. A smart woman will also seek to see a
man’s ID as soon as possible after they meet.
Marie
Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the
women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment &
Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on http://marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com
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