Should You Tell Your Partner Everything About Your Past?

Openness and honesty are essential ingredients for a great relationship but being in love, or thinking that we are in love can cause us to do some unwise things, including spilling every detail about our lives to that person we think we are in love with.

Many people make mistakes especially in their young giddy headed days but some things should be left where they are, not carried over to stir up unnecessary problems in your current relationship. Whilst keeping secrets is not to be encouraged in any relationship, there are some things about your PAST that you do not NEED to tell your partner, here’s why.

1.    If it’s not necessary, you don’t need to share it—If the information has no bearing on your current relationship and is likely to stir up unnecessary jealousy and insecurity on the part of your partner, keep your mouth closed. In some instances, certain information is necessary for you to share. For example, if you have a criminal past, or you’ve had a medical procedure done in the past, which is affecting your ability to have children with your current partner, this is not information you should keep from your partner. If you are about to introduce your partner to a previous lover for business or other purposes, tell him/her you were once involved with this person or your secret could come back to haunt you. These are things you should not keep your partner in the dark about.
     However, if you cheated in a previous relationship, you have never cheated on your current partner and have a great relationship going with no interest in cheating, what’s the purpose of telling your partner you cheated in a previous relationship? Not every man can handle certain information, even if it’s from your past. Your unnecessary confession could do more harm than good to your current relationship.

2.    Raging hormones can cause you to not think rationally—When we feel like we are in love, we are likely to make decisions with our heart and not our head. One of the biggest mistakes particularly women make is to let loose after a good sex session.  When oxytocin is released during lovemaking, that feeling of attachment is very high. Unfortunately, that is when a lot of women throw caution to the wind and begin to talk like parrots about their past. Sex can be just a physical act, with no emotional attachment, especially for men, so think before you speak. 

3.    People get into relationships for various reasons: Not everybody is with their partner because they love and want to share the rest of their lives with them. People get into relationships for all kinds of selfish reasons so don't be too quick to share too much, too soon. Not all relationships end well and sometimes a jilted lover can become your worse nightmare if they decide to use what you’ve told them against you. 

4.    If the relationship is still young, share only what he/she NEEDs to know---Everyone deserves to know who they are getting involved with but you can date someone for months and still not KNOW that person. You can also be open and honest without being naïve. If you have not spent enough time together for you to determine that you can trust the person, be careful how much you share. People can be vindictive when things don’t work out.

Love is a wonderful thing and the high that comes from being in love is an incredible feeling but keep your head firmly screwed onto your body. Be wise when it comes to information about your past. Think before you spill.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration. (SUPHER). Keep up with her on http://marieberbick.blogspot.com/ or follow her on  twitter @thePR Girl. Email marieberbick@gmail.com